Lesson Transcript

Hi everybody, my name is Seda. Welcome to turkishclass101.com.
Today we will talk about a fun topic again.
Etiquette in Turkey. Görgü kuralları.
Görgü kuralları. We have so many. I actually don't know where to start.
Let's start with the hospitality. Misafirperverlik.
Being invited to a Turkish home is an honor. Whenever the time is that you have been invited,
doesn't matter, you should expect to eat something and drink tea. It is very common
to cook and bake for your guests. Instead of just buying it, if you are living in Turkey,
just keep that in mind, okay? And invite other people to your home. You should preferably
cook yourself, but if you can't, don't get stressed. You can get something from a bakery
and serve that as well. Don't worry. In urban homes, you will sit at a table
if you are eating regular meals and if it's tea time, you may sit on the couch.
If you are visiting a village house, however, sometimes the meal is served at a low table
with cushions on the floor. So you should sit on the floor and hide your feet under the table
or a cloth provided for that purpose. But honestly, I know there are some homes doing that,
but I have never done that. I have never eaten like that. So I just saw it from the movies.
About the food, Turkish cuisine is very rich and very delicious. So you would definitely
find something you like. But we don't have a habit of asking about your allergies or food choices.
We just assume. We assume that you eat everything, but don't worry. Since generally there are plenty
of options, you will find something for your taste and preferences. And don't be surprised to
be insisted on eating something that's just part of our culture. We think that everybody is hungry
and starving all the time, all the time. So don't get offensive. It's just a way of Turkish
hospitality. And let's continue with restaurants, paying in restaurants. This part is a little bit
tricky. Of course, there are all sorts of relations, but when you are dining out with someone, paying
separately is not that common. Wanting to pay separately could be understood as some kind of
offensive as if you want nothing to do with that person and you. The ideal thing generally is either
divide the cost by people, or if it's you that invited the people, it's a gesture to cover the
whole bill. The way of Turkish hospitality suggests that the host pays for the meal.
You may try and offer to pay, but you would never be allowed to do so.
You may see other Turkish men fighting over who will pay the bill. It's so funny.
So that's a regular scene. And most business gatherings take place in restaurants. We,
like the Italians, enjoy eating together. And if someone invites you to a dinner,
either at their homes or at a restaurant, the proper way of thanking is to invite them to a
place of their choice and pay or prepare the meal yourself. Tea and Turkish coffee is served
at the end of most of the meals, every meal. Turkish coffee is a national drink. They ask how
you drink it, because if you prefer sugar, it's prepared with sugar beforehand. You wouldn't
add it afterwards, like the regular coffee. Don't drink the bottom of the cup. This is the cup.
It will be full of ground coffee. You are supposed to leave that part at the bottom.
Some people use this, the part of fortune telling. Let me show you. After you drink it,
you just cover it like this. You let it cool down. Sometimes you put a coin or your ring here,
so it cools down easily. And then you hold it like this and you read the signs.
And generally someone else do it for you, rather than you are doing yourself.
And you do this and read this part. And one more note about being a host. You never say,
can you leave please to your guest? It's considered very rude. Let me tell you an anecdote. When I
was living in another country for some time, the first time I was visiting a friend, I was asked to
leave around 9.30 pm. The host said to me that she needed to get up early the next day and I needed
to leave. And I thought it was so rude and was offended at first. Then I learned that it was
part of their culture. But in Turkey, even if you have to get up early, you are tired, you wouldn't
say that your guests should leave. The guests are a big part of the culture. And we have a saying
for it, Tanrı Misafiri. Translating as a guest of God. Especially if you are traveling in villages
and you say you're hungry for example. People will give you food for free. They will invite you
to their home and sometimes they will offer you a bed because you are a guest of God and it's
expected to honor the guests. Okay that's it. And dry spot. What is acceptable and not
dress-wise depends on which part of the country or which part of the city you are visiting.
Beaches for example during summer are as I guess everywhere. You can swim in bathing suits or if
you want to dress more modestly then that's okay too. And in Turkey there are all sorts of different
people. Some people, some women cover their heads, some not. Some men dress more conservatively,
some not. Overall it's up to the people. And of course some places require certain dress codes
on beaches. For example you are expected to wear a beach wrap. And in mosques both men and
women should dress more conservatively. Shoulders and legs should be covered. Women expected to
cover their heads but it's okay to put a shawl around head. No one expects you to cover fully.
And in daily life dress however you like. Observe your surroundings and dress accordingly. I think
it's like that in every culture. You should be observant about where you are. And bargaining.
This gets asked a lot. Bargaining in regular shops are not that common actually. Most people think
that bargaining is acceptable everywhere but outside of bazaars and weekly markets it's not
common at all. And regular customers can be treated generally in their neighborhood though.
And body language. Yeah let's talk about body language. Let me show you some gestures
that we do in our daily life.
Hayır! Cık cık cık
Saying no. This means no.
No.
Hmmm lezzetli.
Or very good. When we like something this is what we do. Sometimes
we do this.
Hayır teşekkürler.
Or just like this. Put your right hand to your heart. No thank you. That's enough.
And this is when we think that someone is going nuts crazy.
Okay these are the ones that I can think of right now.
About other things. Passing gas in public is not acceptable and we don't generally blow
our nose loudly in public. We just dab it like that with a tissue. We dab it. Don't go like
in public areas. And smoking. A lot of people still smoke in Turkey. I don't but a lot of
people do. But things have changed in recent years. Smoking was banned in all public areas
including bars, cafes, restaurants and clubs and you know transportations. But people do
smoke outside of those places in the open air. So know about that. And when meeting formally we
shake hands and friends and relatives would greet each other with like two kisses on the cheek and
a pat on the back. Like this is not like just exact like a kiss but it's like touching your
cheeks together. But it should be two. But with the covid and all everyone keeps their distance you
know. But the culture is like that.
Okay the communication. Turkish people generally prefer to do business with those they know
and respect. And therefore they spend time establishing a personal relationship so you
cannot exactly separate business and personal lives. And conversation may start slowly with
many questions that may seem irrelevant to the purpose of your visit. There can be questions
about your family, children and so on. It's not prying. That's the way Turks talk. Don't get
offensive and say you know it's personal or ask them to get to the point. It will be considered
rude. You can ask them back like how is your family, how is your kids, wife, husband blah blah blah.
And personal space. Turkish people do not require as much personal space one would want.
They will stand close to you while conversing and that bothers me a lot actually. I like my
personal space. But you know don't get offensive. It's like they don't know where to stop.
So naming, addressing a person. When addressing a Turkish person the most common way is to call
a man by his first name followed by bey such as Ahmet bey and a woman her first name followed by
hanım such as Seda hanım. You can also hear “efendim” a lot. It is said generally by service staff such
as you know from a waiter, secretary, taxi driver, doorman, shop staff etc. But also you answer the
phone like that alo efendim in a sense like so hello what efendim. Okay I think these are the
basics and I think we covered a lot. Which ones are beautiful for you and which ones are similar
to your culture. Leave some comments about your own culture. Share your own cultures funny
social rules and etiquettes. Talk about the you know personal space and smoking and you know do
you kiss twice do you kiss once or maybe three times I don't know like write your own cultures
different weird etiquette. Okay I hope you enjoyed this lesson. I hope I will see you next time.
Take care.

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